Friday, January 14, 2011

Updated Query Letter

Here is my latest effort at the Query, you can check below at an earlier effort.  I also realized I have a great deal of work to do on my Synopsis.  Anyway here goes:

Weary of the death and despair he’s suffered for the last several centuries, Laurent La Jeunesse is ready to end his life, but he has one last obligation to fulfill. 240 years spent meticulously planning retribution has made him a grim, but determined man. BULLETPROOF SOUL opens as the last pieces are set to ignite the fuse on a plan that will finally release humanity from the tyrannical grip of the oppressive Nollevelle Corporation, if he can pull it off with support from his secret syndicate. 

Anneliese Trahan is a damn good pilot and a rising star for Nobloquy, the military arm of Nollevelle Corporation, tasked with protecting the Quantum Gates. Her career path seemed to be on track, after leaving the comfort and surety of her family trade ship, but the intervention of a past lover has derailed her plans and put her on a collision course with a man determined to destroy Nollevelle and any chance at a captaincy. Will she be the one to end his life or save his soul? 

I am seeking representation for my completed science fiction space opera novel of 110,000 words, titled BULLETPROOF SOUL. It can be sold as a standalone novel, but begins a trilogy which traces the action through a series of intrepid events and intrigue.

How does that Grab you?  I am open to suggestions!


  1. Bravo! Much better and great grabber. Well done, dude.

    Not sure of the last line. Maybe: Bulletproof Soul is complete and is book one of a trilogy... Something like that, just a bit of smoother?

  2. Yeah, the last line needs tweaking, but I'll work on it after I finish the book and Synopsis. I'm fairly happy with the current version overall. Thanks for coming by!

  3. Hi Todd,

    Oo, I like this much better. Much more engaging!

    It needs a bit of smoothing, but the core is good (and that can wait until you're actually ready to send it out). Good job!

  4. Thanks Jami! Seems to be working better. I think you're right about needing some smoothing. Thanks for reading and commenting! =)


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