Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Wendigisms

I’ve decided to keep track of my new favorite author’s metaphors/similes. The man is Chuck Wendig and I’m going to call these Wendigisms. The man is a prodigy when it comes to metaphor and creative use of the English language, the Maestro of Metaphor. I’ll be mining his metaphorical gold nuggets and keeping a list of my favorites. I’ll be mainlining those gold veins like a heroin junkie. That’s right, I’m addicted. I’m sure Chuck, er, the Maestro, could have created a better metaphor there; I am merely the keeper of the archive. He is a writer of many forms, and he pontificates over at Terribleminds. What … are you still here? I’ll wait…



This is by no means a complete list, in fact it barely scratches the mildewed linoleum surface, but I intend to keep adding more. These are posted here with his permission. I welcome your suggestions.


Here they are in no particular order:

  • Built like a sagging brick wall, head like a melting lump of Play-Dough 
  • art-o-leptic fits of imagination 
  • squeeze out word-babies 
  • shoved deep into their colonic grotto* 
  • slower than a legless caterpillar rolling up a rocky knoll 
  • A gift basket of hookers 
  • wriggling free from a uterus made from fractal swirls 
  • count each pube on your story’s scrotum 
  • Spit ‘em out like broken teeth 
  • feel like he’s wearing a tuxedo made of bumblebees 
  • A hot fresh bucket of words 
  • we will now refer to lava as “earthjaculate” 
  • kicked in the junk drawer 
  • superheroically buoyant 
  • epic diaper-breach 
  • fleshy 3-D meatbags 
  • A burning nugget of possibility tumbling out of the bleak black nowhere 
  • high on your own stink, huffing your word-fumes 
  • a swirling hate vortex living in the space between your heart and your gut 
  • Fatigue nibbles at your marrow like an army of tiny chipmunks 
  • ejaculate your DNA into every cell of that story 
  • suicide shoes 
  • sky the color of a bruised cheek 
  • pinnacle of paroxysmic pleasure 
  • You need to master Manuscript Lovemaking 7 
  • Progress tastes like bacon 
  • Embrace the rewrite. From behind. 
  • It’s time to blast my six-shooters at the words and make those pesky f***ers dance 
  • You pull a mental hammy and s**t your brain-diapers 
  • work that was as pleasant as a dildo violation 
  • As if writing is a job on par with “unicorn tamer” 
  • Other days it feels like you're birthing a lawn chair from your hindquarters 
  • create quantum entanglement between your butt and your chair so that you write 
  • right in the catcher's mitt known as your "crotch." 
  • a thimble full of mouse turds 
  • align their chakras and birth their story on a beam of light 
  • bleeding imagination juice on the page
  • *poop noise*

6 comments:

  1. Oh! Seeing these all together is fantastic. :) Long overdue. Thanks!

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  2. Thanks Jami! I agree that it is long overdue, and I'm going to make a permanent page for this.

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  3. LOL, he does have a colorful way with words. Love this. Putting this in my weekly round up. :)

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  4. Hi Roni! I'm thrilled you stopped by and left a comment! He is definitely colorful. =)

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  5. Ohmigosh that's hysterical! I love Wendigisms. Thank you for gathering the words of the Great and Powerful Wendig. :D

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  6. Thanks Sonia, it's something I've devoted my life to, and it's a worthy endeavor I think. I'm glad you came by and were gracious enough to leave a comment! =)

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